This is a question that we received from a guest to our blog:

I’m in those intense toddler years with two little boys, one who is almost 3 ½ and one who just turned two. It’s my eldest whom I am challenged with the most, and would love your input. I’m struggling with how best to handle attitudes at this age. While I believe some of what I’m seeing is developmental, I also believe a lot of what’s going on is personality. I would call it ‘contrariness’ or ‘negativism’. My little guy is pretty intense and a bit histrionic, erupting with GREAT emotion when things are out of sorts for him. It can wear me down, even though I’m pretty easy going, optimistic, and cheery. I say, “God gave us a beautiful blue sky today!” and my son will say solemnly, “I see clouds.” Or, I’ve said, “Let’s go play outside, it’s nice and warm.” And he responds, “I don’t like sunny days.” It’s definitely worse when he’s tired. These kind of things I often just let go, but some days are full of  grumpy kind of comments, accompanied by a grumpy attitude, so that whatever I might say we’re doing, he responds negatively. Uggh. Any thoughts? I don’t want to demand some kind of phony cheerfulness out of him when it doesn’t exist, but I also don’t want his grouchies to contaminate our home. How do I accommodate his God-given nature, but also train that nature toward contentment and joy? On a practical level, how do I respond to these kinds of comments and attitudes? What is reasonable to expect from him at this age? He does benefit from some time alone to get some ‘self-control’ – thank you for those words and that message to give him. Is that enough at this point?

Dear Fellow Parents, After mothering eight 3 1/2 year olds, I   remember feeling like all I did was coach all day long wondering if anything was getting through!! My first response to this situation is to consider the physical part of their bodies. Is there any chance that they may be feeling sick, or not eating properly causing them to feel irritable or not getting enough sleep or getting  too much sleep! Sometimes children are not able to communicate a physical aliment that presents as extreme irritability. Next, I would not perceivce your child's comments as always  negative but rather as their unique observationss or perceptions. For example, you say"God gave us a beautiful blue sky today", he responds with, "I see clouds" I would say."Yes, God made those too,good observation!" Another one of my tactics is to play games with the children to teach them. We have a game called,"Signs of Spring" or whatever the season. The object is to shout out those signs as we see them driving, walking or playing outside. The children then may ask questions about nature which leads to great conversation about our Creator! Lastly, the most important phrase that you mentioned is self control. Ultimately, the teaching has to be that all of us have moments that we feel grouchy or unhappy. While I understand what you mean about "phony cheerfulness", I think it is important to teach children the right way to act especially when we don't feel like it and how to appropriately and honestly share how they are really feeling. It is during those times that we all must practice using self control. This coaching must be consistant and clear about what to do when your son is feeling like this. We used the bottom step of our stairway. When someone needed to get control of themselves, we would send them there. They were NOT in trouble,but rather taking a break to ask God to help them have a happy, obedient heart. It was also time to be alone and not have "be" any certain way. The child decides when they are ready to come back with the right heart. The key to this training is to be a mom that your children want to be with. Be a fun mom that communicates," I want you with me, so hurry back when you have control of yourself."