It's August and it's Saturday morning - that can only mean one thing... soccer! Let me preface my comments with an apology to all of my soccer aficionados, I'm not a big soccer fan. All my kids have played soccer, I understand it's really good exercise and very young kids can have fun playing. I understand the rest of the world thinks Americans are crazy, but I'm a football guy. Besides, several weeks ago, the soccer headlines read something like Lithuania wins 1-1! Really! I confess, I would rather watch a game where someone wins 49-35, but that's just me. OK, now that I've chased off all of our soccer loving fans - back to Saturday morning.

My youngest child, Sina, has 5 a side tournament this weekend. For those, like me 20 years ago, new to the soccer lingo, it's a preseason 5 on 5 soccer tournament played on a smaller field(Don't tell anyone but I actually I like 5 a side better than the real game!). That means 3 games today and I think 3 games tomorrow! Which begs the question how much is too much? Or how do we balance all these sports schedules with our desire  to have quality family time? I HAVE NO IDEA! Just kidding... Here are some thoughts on the subject. First, one of my favorite things to tell young athletes, but I think it applies to parenting athletes as well, is to "use athletics, don't let athletics use you." In other words, take advantage of all the things to be gained from athletics, but be in control so that it doesn't take advantage of you. I hear parents say, we aren't going to do athletics because... and they rattle off one of a hundred very good reasons. Believe me after parenting eight athletes of our own, as well as dozens of other athletes that we have taken in, I know all the reasons to not participate in athletics. And to be clear, if your child or your family simply doesn't want to participate, that is wonderful. In the grand scheme of things it is just a game and in the end it doesn't amount to a hill of beans. But if it is something you enjoy and your children enjoy, just saying no means missing out on some really cool stuff.

I would not have wanted my kids to miss out on the many relationships and mentors they have had over the years. Some of their lifelong friendships were forged on the athletic field. Some of the most influential people in their lives were coaches that loved them, pushed them, and encouraged them to be more. Now to be sure there have been plenty of bad coaches and plenty of difficult relationships (can anyone say drama!). But that's why you make the big bucks as the parent. It's back to, "don't let athletics use you." How do we take advantage of the good without getting run over by the bad? The answer is much like the rest of parenting, be intentional and be disciplined. We'll talk a lot about athletics in the weeks and months to come, but just to get us started let me talk about some basic principles that we've tried to follow with our kids.

One of the most obvious ways athletics can abuse families is in the area of schedules. Anymore it seems like every coach in every sport thinks they own your child and their schedule, and not just during the season but all year. The truth is they don't own your child, unless you let them. Especially in the younger years, sit down with the coach before you commit to the team and be clear about what your family is willing to sacrifice and not willing to sacrifice for the team. For instance, are you willing to miss church in order to play in tournaments every weekend. I'm not suggesting to meet with the coach to demand your way. You'd be surprised how many other parents will feel the way you do. By speaking up, you very well could provide the impetus for some healthy dialogue regarding the team's schedule. There are always parents who want their 8 year old to play in every fastpitch tournament in the state, and if that is you, then find the team that wants to do that. But, if you don't want that level of commitment, speak up and find a team that will fit what you are looking for. Early on we found ourselves on some teams that had heavier schedules than we wanted for our young daughters. We learned quickly and were able to find teams where the experience was equally fulfilling, but the schedule better fit our family's priorities. I need to interject something here that may be hard for some of you to hear... chances are your child isn't going to be playing professional baseball someday, chances are you aren't going to be watching your child on TV playing basketball alongside Kobe Bryant, in fact statistically speaking chances are your child won't even play in college.

Having said that, please understand, I know that's the dream for some of your kids. I am not suggesting to take that goal away. All of my kids have played sports through high school. All of them could have played college ball at some level. Only two ended up playing and really on one had the kind of success, the ESPN interview, that kid's dream about when they are little. But I promise I have never for a moment wished I would have emphasized athletics more, or taken them to more camps, or given them more private lessons, or sacrificed more family time in order to give them better and greater opportunities. It's a game and a season in their life. It's not life! I don't know what the right balance is for your family, all I'm saying is that decision is yours and not the coaches or the teams. It did mean we were unable to play on some teams because their expectations were heavier than what we were looking for. There also was the cost of playing. Again, speak up and voice what you are willing and able to do as a family. Some teams want all the best equipment, uniforms, bags etc. That costs money. And for some families that fits. There were some teams we were unable to play on because we couldn't afford the price tag. Sometimes we found other parents felt the same way we did. They were willing to forgo the bags or the extra uniforms to keep the budget down. Again don't let athletics (ab)use you.

We talked to coaches about practices, especially when our kids were younger. As they got older and certainly at the high school level, we felt if they wanted to play they committed to whatever schedule the coach set. We had to walk away from teams that expected a year round commitment to their team. I want my kids to enjoy this time of their life. If they want to play three sports then let them play three sports. Don't let a little league coach tell you the only way your child is going to make it to the next level is to play year round. Remember, chances are your child isn't going to make it to the big time, and by the way, if he/she is good enough to make it, that coach won't be able to get them there and they certainly won't be able to keep them from making it there. Make the decision that fits your family and your priorities and your budget. For instance, we told coaches we were willing to miss some Sunday church, but we wouldn't miss every Sunday. So if they scheduled practices on Sunday we probably wouldn't be there. If they scheduled a couple of tournaments we would make them. Again, having the conversation up front allowed everyone to have the same expectations.

We went through years where we had over 100 basketball games and 100 baseball games. So maybe it's disingenuous to even talk about balance when it comes to athletics. We tried to get the best athletics had to offer, like teachable moments (tomorrow's topic), and manage the rest, like schedules and budgets. Be proactive. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Decide ahead of time what your family is willing to do. Ask other parents about teams in your community. We weren't as afraid of bad coaching (we were always there to process with the kids) as we were about a bad fit (schedule, budget). I've already taken more space for this than I had originally planned. Sorry about that. I'll continue this conversation tomorrow or Monday.