It’s Saturday and the first day of pads for our high school football team. I have been coaching for nearly 30 years and have pretty much coached all of my kids at one time or another. But this year was a first for me – I have two of my sons on the same team at the same time. Tana is a senior and Keila will be a freshman and both are playing football! It is really fun to have the opportunity to coach both of my boys and reminds me of why I’ve coached for so long. I shared some of my philosophy of athletics in a previous blog – but suffice to say I believe there is way more to sports than meets the eye but it means that parents must remain diligent as we parent our young athletes. Teachable moments abound, but what do they look like and how exactly do we take advantage of them? The trick is to think principle, in other words what is the principle in play here.

I remember years ago when Alyse was nearing the end of her sophomore year – she had been involved in three sports a year for as long as I could remember.  She was at a place in her life that she no longer wanted to play basketball and for some reason she was afraid to tell me. Fortunately we had already put in place a practice that would help us address this. We ask our kids to find an adult they can go to in case they ever need to hear from someone besides us or maybe about us. We reserve the right to approve that person. The hope is if they ever thought we were crazy or just being unreasonable, there would be an adult they trusted that they could talk to.  Alyse went to the adult in her life, a good friend of our family Connie Kline, to talk about her desire to quit basketball. As hoped, she gave her great advice, namely trust your dad and go talk to him, he’ll understand. By the time I got involved Alyse had spent weeks worrying about what I might say. But it gave me a chance to teach my daughter a few things. In my mind there were several principles to address. First, her daddy loves her and could give a rip about what sport she chooses to play or not play. Second, she can talk to her daddy about anything – even if I disagree with her. Third, what is the right way to go about quitting a sport? I was able to simply address the first two principles on a date with her. The third was a great hands on teachable moment.

Dad with Tana (14) and Keila (33)

My kids know that once they start a season, quitting isn’t an option. But is there a proper way of quitting a sport before the season even starts? I told her I believed she owed the coach an explanation of her decision. She had been a part of the coaches program and the coach deserved to know why Alyse was not going to play. So we talked about what she was going to say, she might even have rehearsed it, although I can’t remember.  Then I went with her to talk to the coach. I explained it was important for her to thank the coach for investing in her, to assure her that it wasn’t personal and to let her know she would still be around cheering for the team. She was very hesitant to go, but eventually worked up the nerve to do so. Of course the meeting went well; the coach was disappointed but very supportive. Alyse learned some valuable lessons about her father, and about dealing with things rather than letting them fester and grow.

Again, the challenge is figuring out the principles to be addressed and then confronting them head on. Athletics will offer you great teachable moments. Pray for discernment to recognize them, wisdom to address them, and faith to trust the Lord during the process of training up your kids.