Here is from another reader:

Hello, I have been so blessed by your entries, they encourage me daily! Thank you so much for taking the time to bless others with what you have learned along the way!

We have four busy boys, ages eleven, nine, four, two. I am wondering mostly about our VERY stubborn two year old. I'm sure I underestimate him, but am wondering what wording to use when talking about self-control & what is reasonable to expect from him. For example, when I set him down in a spot to calm down, he jumps right back up, usually in a full blown fit and it becomes a whole other issue trying to get him to stay put and the original problem is now being forgotten about. I know if I am diligent, we will get to the point of being able to calmly sit down, so I'm assuming I just continue to sit him down and deal with the fit……….but how?
Also, what wording should I be using to make sure he is comprehending what I am talking about- how do I explain self-control to a two year old?

I have so many more questions, but for now this one seems to be the one that needs the most attention!

Again, thank you so much for your time. We just have the older two in sports and I feel like there is no extra time, so I am truly grateful to you both for the time spent on this blog!

Thanks again for your time,

Thank you so much for your generous comments! Your question is a favorite of mine and a common one regarding two year olds!! Know that we love this age, but it requires some of our most consistent training. They are learning a language, becoming very mobile, and are feeling very independent and curious!!

Begin with the awareness of the power of words. Culture wants to brainwash parents to believe that two year olds are “terrible”. We chose instead to talk about our “terrific two year old”. Let’s not expect him to be stubborn and terrible! I was saying the same thing until I heard someone tell me we were talking our children into being awful. I try to catch them doing something right and cheering!! I also tell them they are nice brothers and sisters, good listeners and good at …. While we all have to deal with a sin nature that is self –serving, the vision is to explain to our children they have a choice to have the control to do the right thing especially when it is really hard.

With two year olds, here are some of our favorite ideas:

Spend time when no one is in trouble or stressed, training on what it looks like to go to a place to get control. I sometimes role-played being the one crying while trying to talk, whining or not able to do what I am being asked to do.  Explain to them that if they do not have control of themselves, we will send them to a place you have picked out to sit quietly and get control. We trained our children to go to the bottom step of the stairway and sit with their hands folded in their laps (This physical act is proven to help calm us.) We stressed the child was not in trouble, but needed to go to get control of themselves. We did not call this time out or time them or govern how long this was going to take. Frankly, it varied with each child and with each situation.  When they felt strong enough to come back and obey, they could get up.

We practiced this many times, letting everyone who wanted to play the role of mommy or the one being sent to the stairs.  This meant showing us a happy face (hands at the side of their mouths while they were smiling) cheesy, yes, but it accomplished what we were after ie a change in their heart and a willingness to obey. If they got up before they had self control, we sent them back with a try again reminder. Practicing like this helped ensure they knew what we wanted. After that, if the behavior continued, we disciplined because now they were being disobedient to what we were asking them to do.

We started this training as soon as children were walking. In the beginning, even after the training, I would have walk them to the step and remind them what to do. I would go pretty crazy with cheering when they could get to the stairs by themselves (catch them doing it right!). A two year old should be able to go the stairs pretty easily with training. The important part for parents is to make sure you do not sound mad or that you are disciplining. Remember, even as parents, we need to walk away and get control of ourselves at times!! It is a great process for all of us!!

Consistency and persistency is the key.  Know that most people will think you are crazy and expecting too much too early. This self control training proved to be very valuable as our children grew. From managing their money, to their sex drive, to the dentist chair, having the control to do what you know what is right is so important. It is also one of the things our children get complimented on especially when things are going on around them that make it difficult to have self control.

You can do it!! The rewards are great! Keep training into your children the character quality of self control!!