I can’t fully describe what it was like. Last night Kelli and I were in a gym full of families and friends waiting for the return of their soldiers from Iraq – the last combat unit returning from Iraqi Freedom, coming back after a yearlong deployment. If you aren’t familiar with the military, I want you to imagine your husband or your wife leaving for a year or more. You can communicate, but only by phone and maybe an occasional Skype. Every time you hear a news report from Iraq you get to wonder whether your spouse is involved in the random bombing or the firefight that took place. For choosing to serve our country you get to be a single parent for that entire time and if your kids are older they worry about the same things you are worrying about. Kelli and I have often said that parenting is tough when you have a mom and dad that love each other and are committed to parenting together. But being a single parent is nearly impossible. Yet for these 300 plus soldiers, their families (obviously not all of them were married with kids) lived without them for over a year. And then as if being away wasn’t hard enough now these families have to reconnect and refigure out family life with mom or dad home again.

Kelli and I were there with a bunch of our family to support my niece Tepora (Debra in English) and her four kids. She has been one of those wives and moms living without her husband for this past year. The army provided a live feed so we could watch as the plane that carried the returning heroes landed. We cheered with everyone else as the plane touched down and then stared intently to catch even a glimpse of my nephew walking by the camera. It took awhile for everyone in their unit to turn in their weapons which they kept with them on the plane (don’t you wish someone tried to hijack that plane!). The families patiently waited. It took a couple of hours but eventually the busses arrived. The band began to play and you could sense the anticipation in the air. Wives ready to embrace their husbands, kids anxious to be held by daddy, and family and friends just wanting their chance to say “welcome home”. When they lifted the giant garage door for the troops to enter, the entire place stood and began to cheer – they were really home! After a very (I emphasize very) short ceremony the troops were dismissed. What happened next brings tears to my eyes even as I write this – wives and kids running to their soldier. Kisses – lots and lots of kisses – being exchanged by everyone. Occasionally we were saddened to see a young man standing with no family to greet him. We wanted so badly to adopt all of the “orphans” into our family. But we were too busy welcoming my nephew Sgt. Salanoa back home!

         Sgt Salanoa welcomed home by his family

My niece, who we often call one of our best students (in addition to all of her personal sessions with Auntie Kelli, Tepora and Manu have attended our parenting seminar), has been a single mom for over a year. She had great support from her family, which makes such a difference, but still it was hard. Whenever we get the chance to speak about family, we mention the need for us (the body of Christ) to be there for single parents (we include families of deployed troops in that category). Psalm 68:5 says, A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God is a father to the fatherless, but often times he does that through His people. I would love to see the church be even more intentional about reaching out to single parents. When we speak on parenting we speak assuming there are two parents working together. We know that isn’t always the case and we know it has an effect on child rearing. For instance, the research concerning the impact of a father on his child’s upbringing is undeniable. But what if there isn’t a dad in the picture (or what if he is overseas fighting a war)?  What a perfect opportunity to provide childcare for a single mom trying to do her grocery shopping, get her nails done, or have coffee with a girl friend. What a beautiful time for the men in a church to mentor a young man growing up without a dad. I’ve had the opportunity to be “dad” for young women who are “fatherless” as they navigate the world of relationships with the opposite sex.

Nothing can completely replace their earthly father. And ultimately kids need God to be their father, whether they are fatherless or not. But when a child is without an earthly father, we have a sweet opportunity to put flesh and bones to their picture of daddy.