It was a typical family meeting; Kelli handed me a list of items she wanted me to cover with the kids - everything from putting dirty dishes in the dish washer to making their beds in the morning. I gracefully, but deliberately corrected all the things that had gone awry the past couple of weeks. I made sure everything on Kelli’s list and everything on my list was covered. At the end I asked if there were questions or anything else that needed to be covered. One of my kids (I won’t mention who it was) raised their hand. When I called on her, Alyse : ) asked, “did we do anything right?” Ouch!!! Of course – they had done tons of things right. I just didn’t bother mentioning any of them. I was so busy correcting behavior; I forgot to acknowledge all the things they had done right. For us this was another in a long line of lessons in our journey with family meetings. But I’m getting ahead of myself. For the next couple of days we are going to share some insights on the family meeting. But, I think we should start with, “why even have family meetings?”

I can’t really offer a great biblical mandate for having a family meeting. For us it has been part of the practical “how to’s” of parenting – an effective way to address concerns (for us and the kids), implement changes, prepare them for upcoming events (family trip, visitors), announce important news (weddings, funerals, illness), and anything else that would best be brought to everyone at the same time. I suppose one biblical principle addressed with family meetings is, “fathers don’t exasperate your children”. Family meetings served as a pressure release valve for the kids (and for Kelli as long as we are on the topic). If we were doing things that drove them crazy, the family meeting provided a safe place to bring it up and talk about it. Often what they wanted to discuss involved more than just them; the family meeting is the perfect venue for openly talking about an issue that involves multiple members of the family. So over the years we have grown to love and appreciate the family meeting. For all the reasons I’ve stated above it has become an integral part of growing our family.

But what exactly is a family meeting – at the risk of insulting your intelligence for us a family meeting is a deliberately called gathering of our entire family (at least those living in our home). As our kids have gotten older, this has become more difficult. Where once upon a time we could simply yell “family meeting” and all the kids were within earshot and would come running. Today, we have to manage school, sports and social calendars in order to have everyone attend. It takes more planning but it continues to be worth the effort. Most often we meet in our home, but on occasion we will choose more interesting surroundings (McDonalds, Starbucks etc.). No matter why we ask for the meeting (or who asks) I (David) pretty much always run the meeting. Others may have items on the agenda but I will typically lead the flow of conversation. The family meeting always starts as a formal gathering with a particular purpose, but nearly every time it turns into a fun family time with lots of stories, lots of laughter and occasionally some important communication!

Tomorrow we’ll cover how we actually run a family meeting and the important components of a family gathering. Hopefully you can learn from our experience and not make the same mistakes we made.