A long time ago we posted this blog that some of you may have read…
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 If you've ever read Psalm 22, then you know it starts out, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?". It was written hundreds of years before Jesus said those exact words while hanging on the cross. Many scholars believe when Jesus spoke those words, He was referencing the entire Psalm; a Psalm known well to all of the Jews present. So when He said, My God, My God... everyone present heard all of what we now know as Psalm 22 - a great prophecy fulfilled in Jesus' death on the cross.

In a similar way Kelli and I have tried to come up with phrases (many of which we've stolen from others) that when spoken reference an entire teaching we have given our kids. In a statement, we are able to preach a sermon so to speak, to our kids. For instance, when we are leaving our kids in the care of someone else, like a babysitter, we will say, make it easy on the person in charge. They know that one line means so much more. Making it easy means listening to the directions of the one in charge. Making it easy means being helpful when appropriate. Making it easy means doing those things that are already part of their normal routine. And making it easy means anything not covered by the instructions already given; anything that will make life easy on the person in charge. Rather than preach a sermon before leaving, we simply say, make it easy on the person in charge. Our kids hear the rest!

We are going to periodically share with you some of our favorite triggers. We would love to hear some of the triggers you use. I'll leave you with another of our favorites we say when our kids our leaving us, "Remember who you are, and remember whose you are". A quick reminder that while we are apart to make decisions based on the person they are, not the people they are with. It is also a reminder of who loves them and claims them, not just their mom and dad, but their Heavenly Father. So as I close this entry I bid you farewell with these words: remember who you are!

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In our workbook we use in our parenting seminars we offer a list of triggers that we have used over the years. Some of you have asked us to expound on how we use some of those phrases. For a couple of days I thought I’d share some of them and maybe even a couple of stories of how we’ve put them to use.

So here we go, in no particular order – be a good finder and a good finder. This particular trigger started when we heard someone speak on the concept of being a good finder, in other words, finding the good in people and situations. We want our kids to be characterized as finding the good in things. Genesis 2:7 says this, the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.  Our inherent value is, we are created in the image of God. Even those people we don’t like or agree with are precious in God’s eyes; we want to see them the same way. Train your kids to find the good in other people. Over the years we added the practical twist of also teaching them to be good finders. In other words, rather than giving up as soon as they couldn’t find something around the house, or figuring out where to find an answer, instead we want our kids to be able to keep looking until they find what they need. A good finder! Not a critical character quality, but a helpful skill as an adult.

A fun trigger I’ve used over the years is if I gave you a million dollars. Here’s how this one works. Suppose one of your kids needed a book for one of their classes. They tell you they know someone who has the book they need. Later there is great panic because the report is due and they still don’t have the book. When you ask them about the person who had the book, their response is, I didn’t have their number. My response is, if I gave you a million dollars, do you think you could have found their number? Of course the answer is yes, and the obvious teachable moment is, they could have done it, they just didn’t want to bad enough. My children hear this whenever they give me an excuse for not doing something that was clearly based on motivation rather than capacity. I didn’t get my application in because I didn’t know where their office was. I couldn’t wash the dishes because I couldn’t find the dish soap. You get the idea.

The 24 hour rule is a rule, but it is also a trigger. When our kids hear us say, “24 hour rule” they know it is a gentle reminder to bring their emotions under control. The 24 hour rule has to do with giving our kids space after a big win or a big loss (not just athletically) to get a handle on themselves. During that 24 hours we allow them to pull back a little if they need to. Two things are important – first, after 24 hours we expect them to reengage with the family and second, during the 24 hours they are still expected to be respectful and kind. So if we see them struggling in either of these two areas we can gently remind them with 24 hour rule.  

We’ll continue to post more triggers. I hope you’ll find them helpful on your parenting journey. Please send us some of your favorites. On a side note, did you know you can actually subscribe to our blog. On the left side panel there is box under “Subscribe”. Simply put your email address in that box and whenever we post a new blog entry you will get an email with our new posting. If you don't want to mess with all of the online stuff (you know who you are), simply email us your email address and we will subscribe for you. Of course if I gave you a million dollars, do you think you could figure out how to subscribe?