FOOTBALL. That word brings a cringe to every mother’s body as she envisions her son getting crunched every play, every week!! David often writes about athletics but I thought I would share from a mom’s perspective about this arena in our family.

As mother’s have approached me with questions about raising a quarterback or any other type of athlete, I very carefully respond with words that are near and dear to my heart. I have never been so thankful to have a husband that played the game at the Division I level, coached the game and now is parenting several athletes of his own. His perspective has helped me frame and live out many teachable moments from little league to the college recruiting process to parenting a high profile Division I quarterback. David’s wisdom has been invaluable to me as the mother of these athletes to ensure that our goals in parenting prevail in, what can be, a very twisted culture. Often in the athletic world the important things in life become invisible.

Three foundational principles inform my thinking concerning raising an athlete: mother’s are not very realistic when it comes to their own sons and daughters, focus on teaching them the most important things about athletics, and make sure your child understands where their identity comes from.

First, mothers are often not very realistic when it comes to their child’s true athletic skills and potential. It’s just not in us to be objective. It is especially hard, because once we hear one rec coach talk about how great he or she is we fantasize immediately of college scholarships and professional athlete paychecks. The reality is that statistically, very few athletes earn full athletic scholarships or play professional ball. We have three college graduates and one currently in college – only one has paid their way through college on an athletic scholarship! Keeping perspective on their future affects our ability to temper how hard we push our kids. It helps us control how much we let our children play so they don’t burnout by the time they are twelve years old. Never dwell on how good your athlete is or worse, talk about how great you think he is. Speak way more about having fun, about how to be a good teammate and about the importance of learning the fundamentals of their sport. Emphasize things like thanking the coach for his time and serving his teammates well. Work closely with your husband to ensure your young athlete is not taken advantage of by coaches who aren’t necessarily malicious, but the well being of your child isn’t their first priority. Listen to your child. If they do not want to play, then encourage them to finish the season then they can try something else. Please do not live vicariously through your child’s athletic experiences.

Next, teach your athlete what is important before they receive some recognition – that way if and when they become a star, they will be grounded in what really matters. I was never so thankful for David teaching this to Tavita because of his experience at Stanford (beating USC as 41 ½ point underdogs – see blog “Help, my kid's coach is driving me crazy” August 8, 2010). We simply reminded him, “Remember who loved you before you ever put that uniform on. Now people are going to love you for possibly the wrong reasons.” Make sure your athlete knows what things to honor in a person regardless of their athletic accomplishments – maturity in their faith, healthy family relationships and personal integrity are the types of character issues that we want to acknowledge in gifted athletes.

After watching Stanford fall to Oregon last weekend. Tavita is now a coaching for the Cardinal. Pictured in addition to Krista and Sina are my three quarterback sons Tavita, Tana and Keila - oh yeah and David.

Lastly, be sure to teach your athlete where their identity comes from. So many times, all that is inside them, i.e. honesty, diligence, faith, intelligence, kindness, service to others, etc. gets lost by their ability as an athlete. They feel pressure to perform for the attention they receive as an athlete. Again, I am so thankful that David constantly reminded Tavita that we are grateful to God that he wired him with athletic talent, but that’s not where Tavita gets his identity – play football is what he does, it’s not who he is! One blow to the knee and his career could have been over. Then, all the fans would simply switch their allegiance to the next quarterback. Our kids need to know where their identity really lies – in who we are in Christ. Their athletic ability simply grants them a platform on which to share what really is important in life and allows the Lord to speak through our child’s life in athletics. We worked hard to remind our athletes of other ways God had wired them that had nothing to do with sports. Those gifts sets are just as important, if not more important, than the gift of being athletic – for example the ability to play an instrument, the gift of encouragement, the ability to act, the gift of leadership, and the list goes on.

We are grateful for athletics. We have gained much wisdom over thousands of teachable moments… some at the heights of victory – others in the agony of defeat. We had years in our family with 100 basketball and 100 baseball games in a season! Some of our children have been the favorites while others have sat the bench. We have had great coaches and we have had some not so great coaches. Above all, we thank God for his hand in this area of our family’s life! Go Team!