Last week I shared a story about Tavita’s first Rite of Passage. It was an event we created to mark his transition from boyhood to manhood. He was 13 at the time and much training took place after that ceremony, but he was forever different on that day 10 years ago. One of the great resources available on this topic is “Raising a Modern Day Knight” by Robert Lewis. It helped us with ideas and structure for what we did. We typically do a Rite of Passage for all the kids around 13 years old to mark their entrance into manhood or womanhood (next week Kelli will talk more about what we’ve done with our girls). Then we do another R of P when they graduate from high school. With our boys, we believe in providing a marker once they finish college and transition into the work world and then finally for all our kids we consider marriage the final event to commemorate with a Rite of Passage. Please remember, what you do isn’t nearly as important as doing something.

In fact, the question shouldn’t be what is a Rite of Passage or what should I do in a Rite of Passage, the real question is why do it? What’s the big deal? And is it biblical? The truth is, there is no eleventh commandment to create a rite of passage for your kids, there isn’t a direct mandate in scripture to create a marker for your son or your daughter.  But I think I think in principle the bible certainly gives us good reason to do something like a Rite of Passage. For instance, when someone gets married there is a wedding ceremony to mark the occasion –why not simply fill out the paperwork and start living life. There is something significant about drawing a line in the sand and declaring from this day forward everything in my life is different. The same thing happens when someone dies – we fill the event with ceremony and for the Christian it isn’t to mark the end – it is to mark a transition, “from this day forward my life is different”. In the case of the wedding, we declare to the whole world the change. Typically we go through pre-marital counseling and commit time and resources all to proclaim to our friends and family my life has gone through a transition. It’s also compelling that parents are instructed to train a child in the way he should go… when is the training complete and who declares the training finished? A Rite of Passage gives us an opportunity to pronounce to our child and to the world – “You have completed this phase of your training!” (and you’re ready for the next)

Perhaps as big a reason as any is based on what we are trying to avoid. Think about it – if we don’t tell our sons and daughters what it means to be a man or a woman – then who does? Do you really want the neighbor boy teaching your son about the qualifications for manhood? What do you suppose he will uphold as the criteria for becoming a man. Do you want the “Twilight” series to teach your daughter about the virtues of being a woman? If we leave a void – the world is all too happy to step in and tell our sons and daughter what it takes to be a man or a woman? Is it the first time they get drunk? Is it the first time they sleep with someone? One big reason to establish Rites of Passages for you children is to ensure they know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what mom and dad (and God) believe it means to be a real man, to be a real woman; and then to bless them by declaring “you are now a man” or “you are now a woman.”

Once they complete high school we mark the next important milestone for many of our kids – a season where they will spend more time away from home than they will at home. Our goal with our boys at this doorway is to remind them of “who they are” and “whose they are”. With Tavita, I sent him on a little scavenger hunt with a few key men in his life. Each man represented an important part of his history he would take with him on the next leg of his journey into manhood. I’ve always said if our kids one day end up “feeding the pigs” (Luke 15: 11-32) I didn’t want it to be by accident. I want them to say, “I know what mom and dad believe and why, but I’m choosing to go a different way.” This rite of passage helped serve as a reminder of those things. We also gathered a room full of men that spoke truth to my son – giving him Godly advice as he stepped into the next leg of his journey.

Upon graduation from college, the important message to our sons is this, “from this day forward you begin to create your own family legacy. As you work (or play), as you study (or play), as you grow (or play) you are building what you will one day use to establish your family foundation. You will forever be my son, but you are no longer part of building my home – you are now building your own home (whether they are married yet or not).” I want to emphasize with them, I’ve done some things right and I’ve certainly done some things wrong. While I need to apologize for my mistakes, it doesn’t change the reality – he now must now create his own legacy. When they are boys, they can blame mom and dad for how bad they did in school or why they didn’t get into a better college. But from this point forward, blame is irrelevant, they must take who they are and begin building a life with that. We also get to remind them – God is on your side and we are on your side. Jeremiah 29:11, ¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” We will pray for their future and the plans God has for them. We will always love them – they will always be a part of our family – but it changes forever at this point.

And then of course if one day he chooses to marry – I will once again gather men around him to remind him of all the heritage and history that he is joining to another. This is one last chance to be Tavita Pritchard or Tana Pritchard or Keila Pritchard – for on their wedding day, according to God’s word, they will unite with their spouse and become something totally new – what the bible describes as “one flesh”. Next week we’ll tell a little about what we did with Alyse when she got married and why.