Many of you know, but Kelli is with her mom in Florida as she deals with some medical issues. It delayed her getting this first installment for the daughter's rite of passage. We would covet your prayers for Kelli and her mom during this time! She will post another installment to cover the other two rites of passage for the girls.

We have talked much about rite of passage and the meaning it carries for our children. Today I want to share with you what has evolved for our girls as we raised our children. With our daughters, there was a natural marker for their first rite of passage – when they began their period. After having four sisters experience this, our 5th daughter knew what was coming. Even so, her first rite began with standing alone, good information, a positive outlook and a celebration. Let me explain…

In our school district, 5th grade is the year the school chooses to do the unit on puberty. Our family opts out of this for a number of reasons. First, it marks the first time we ask them to stand alone at school in a pretty public way. We do not know of many parents who pull their children from this mostly general, yet pretty sensitive discussion about their bodies and what is happening to them. We respectfully ask that they not participate by going to the library or if the unit is taught at the end of the day, we simply pick them up early. When we began, the school required that we preview the material which we were happy to do (by now of course we feel we could teach it!).

Second, we let them know we are really excited to be the ones to teach them both the clinical part of what is happening as well as the spiritual framework this info fits into. We tell them this is only the beginning of a journey to learn and understand all God intended in our physical bodies. We want them to relax and know that culture has perverted much of what God created to be good and healthy. We invite them to take a look from a much different perspective.

 We ask them to read “Preparing for Adolescence” by James Dobson (which David has the boys read as well) so they will get the same and more of the information being taught in school. It is one of many books/curriculum available. It covers most of what we want to discuss ranging from what’s happening to their bodies to how babies are made. It is pretty detailed and deals with some material that is sensitive such as masturbation and wet dreams. After she reads a chapter, she and I spend some time talking about it. This usually happens once a week until we are finished with the book. I know other moms who go away for the weekend. I try really hard to make it as comfortable and honoring as possible. I let her know she can ask me anything from now on and I will answer her with truth and discretion. Each of my girls have been different in terms of how ready they were to talk during this teaching time. I tried to be sensitive and help them get all their questions answered.

Third, I want to influence her worldview about what it means to be female. I am not happy with the subtle message the streets are sending about men and how unworthy they are. Equally as concerning is the view of what a pain, hassle, chore, mistake, curse etc. it is that we, women, have to menstruate. I work hard to change this time in a girl’s life to a celebration of what it really means to be a woman. To celebrate that God may choose her to carry another life. I introduce this by talking about what an incredible system He has designed and what a miracle it is to partner with God to have a baby. Mostly, I want to introduce a Biblical worldview here that we will be talking more about as she grows up.

Fourth, we talk about getting our daughter a mentor. The book, “Raising a Modern Day Princess” by Farrelo and Hanna does a good job talking about mentors and a formal celebration for blessing our daughter. It is the partner book to “Raising a Modern Day Knight”. It is excellent and another great template for those new to this idea of rites of passage.

David with his girls (they've all been through their first rite of passage!)

And finally, in addition to this teaching, our daughter gets to celebrate with a small group of women such as sisters (once they’ve completed this rite), aunties, close friends, who are nearby for her initiation. We tell period stories… embarrassing/ funny moments, the first time, telling the family, what the brothers will think etc…We end the celebration with the gift of new panties. Sorry men, I know this may be too much information but it is an important part of the celebration!! There have been tears of embarrassment, lots of laughter and of course lots of coffee. But by the end of this first rite, my daughter really believes, “I am now a women” …part of something wonderful, miraculous and valuable. And that’s just how we want her to feel!! Thank you for reading!!