A couple that recently attended one of our parenting seminars sent us this question: We’ve implemented Family Meetings. The first one went fantastic, but the second one not so much. Our 7-yr old and 9-yr old sons would not engage, were silly and distracted, and made the time insufferably difficult and long. We had scheduled a few fun things into our meeting—a game 1/3 of the way through and a fun snack 2/3 of the way through. But we didn’t feel like we could “reward” them with fun stuff like that when they refused to respect us and engage in the family meeting. So, 2 questions: 1) What could be done to get our boys of this age to engage in Family Meetings? 2) What are some ways that you make Family Meetings fun?

What a great question – and one we get often. As many of you know we are BIG proponents of Family Meetings. They are a great way to check in with each other, to build the family unit, to introduce change, to celebrate successes, or to address concerns. Regular Family Meetings help to create a sense of team within our family, a feeling of we’re in this together. I (David) like the regular pause to ensure that the Pritchards are all on the same page – that somehow we aren’t missing something big. Kelli often says Family Meetings served as a pressure valve – knowing a FM was coming allowed her to wait, confident her concerns would soon be addressed. So we applaud you for implementing them and we would encourage you to not give up. Anything worth doing is worth doing “poorly” at first. It will get better.

Before talking specifically about FM, let me first say when it comes to parenting – everything is easier with a disciplined child. When we teach the three most important things to teach your child, lesson number two is, “Train your child to obey you.”(Ephesians 6:1-3) It’s one of the few direct mandates in scripture about parenting – and it comes with a promise. If you want things to go well for your child, then expect them to obey and respect you. There are lots of lessons and character qualities to train into our children –but each lesson is easier to teach to a well-disciplined child. Proverbs 29:17 says this, “Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.” Work hard on expecting your sons (and daughters) to obey you all the time and family meetings become more peaceful. By the way – going to church, going to the grocery store, visiting friends, school – everything becomes easier with a well-disciplined child, a “… delight to your soul.” So rather than fight them at a family meeting and destroying your own desire to have FM’s. Focus on training obedience and discipline. We do have a parenting CD available if you need a resource. Let the family meetings be more fun than anything else – keep them short and infrequent for now.

As far as the actual family meeting, our goal is for our kids to enjoy the family meeting – and at the very least not dread it. Rather than make food a reward for acting right at the FM, expect them to act right (well-disciplined) and just make food (or a game) a part of the meeting. For instance we would on occasion meet at McDonald’s and have ice cream cones – rather than take them to Macs as a reward for being good at our meeting. The reality is, it’s hard to make FM’s super exciting – after all you wind up talking about how we can do better getting the trash out or cleaning our rooms or listening to mom. This again, is why you must focus first on obedience and discipline. The fun really grows naturally out of healthy relationships. Our kids began telling funny stories from the past month or telling about humorous things mom and dad had recently done. It’s hard if you always feel the pressure to make every FM perfect; to always have a fun, creative, and unique program for the kids to be entertained. Relax and enjoy the time with your kids… which by the way is easier to do with a well-disciplined child.